“Death and Romance is a weird mix if you think about it. Romeo and Juliet. The Titanic. Why do people feel that they need to incorporate death in order to show the emotion of love. It’s a weird concept if you think about it.”

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“Seriously, Shut the hell up and watch the movie”. Groans Lo. Movie date with Eve was always a hit and miss, sometimes she would be so stoned she would be too dazed to talk or the complete opposite. In this occasion, it is definitely the complete opposite and honestly I’m not in the mood to listen to her theories tonight.

“You’re so cute when you’re angry.” Her breath lingers by my ear and the whisper just rings in my ear drowning over my thoughts. I don’t know what it is about her, but she always find a way to make me weak to my knees. Flashbacks flood my mind. Memories that make me bite my lip. Memories that make me want to have a long club crawl. Memories that I want to relive.

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The movie starts and brings me back to reality, I know I can’t relive those memories because we aren’t like that anymore. It started to become toxic for our friendship and I would rather have her as a friend than anything more, but Goddamn does she make me weak to my knees. I wish I could go back to that year, but in all honesty that year was almost the death of me……literally. I’m in a better place; I’m in an amazing relationship with this guy, so is Eve. Things are just going in a very positive way.

But I still have something in my gut telling me to be prepared….

Moving to this state I was really not trying to date anyone because there was still this question whether or not I would be staying or moving back home. Well, my decision is that I am going to be moving back home. I have come to the realization that I can’t be in states that are very closed minded and conservative with no city life. Anyway, that’s besides the point. I was really not trying to date anyone but I ended up doing that and honestly, I’m glad it happened. We are NOT together anymore, but I am going to tell you why I’m glad it happened.

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So me and this person had actually been talking back and forth through instagram for about a year or so and initially I thought it was just going to be friendship but it turned into more than that. At first things were great, we spent a lot of time together, we talked about everything, and we just vibed. Things were moving very fast but I wasn’t mad at that. Every relationship has it’s rough patches and its up to the people in the relationship if they want to work through those rough patches or not. Well we had hit our rough patch and I’m not going to say I didn’t try to work through the rough patches, but when things are becoming HUGE RED FLAGS, it’s time to put yourself first and your mental health first. So as you can tell, we broke up. I didn’t want to continue trying to work through the rough patches anymore. There’s a difference between a one time thing and a repeat pattern.

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There were so many red flags from the beginning but of course I always choose to ignore them, but I can say that I didn’t choose to ignore them longer than I have in the past. It didn’t take long before I started thinking about myself and what I deserve when the red flags started happening on a constant basis instead of once in a while. I promised myself that I wouldn’t just settle for things that I am not okay with, and I really stuck by it this time around and I AM PROUD OF MYSELF. Normally, I would just cave in and stick around because I would feel like that was what I deserved. I have grown so much since my last relationship and I have gotten to that mental space that I won’t tolerate anything less than what I deserve. When I say that I am proud of myself for finally putting my foot down and saying “I don’t deserve this” made this weight lift off my shoulders and made me feel that I have grown as a person and a women.

I was talking to one of my friends about how I want to pull my daughter out of school and just travel the world with her so that way she gets the correct history and not the USA version. (Let’s be real, everything in our history books are never the full story). As I was having this discussion, my friend pointed out that I never talk about a guy, that I just talk about me and my daughter and dog. When I say that shook me, that really shook me because I had never noticed that. I then realized that one thing my mom has taught me is to never depend on a man and make your plans and goals first, and if a man decides to tag along or change those plans slightly then that’s how you’ll know you’re in love. That is something that has always stuck with me. Like Cher says “A man is not a necessity, a man is a luxury”.

Moral of the story. I am back to being single and living my life the way it should be lived without something trying to dictate every move I make. I have no negative energy or bad vibes towards him. It was just in the end, We didn’t connect like we thought and that’s fine. Well that is the tea for you darlings. Now that I’m single, there will probably be more and more blog post.

XoXo Darlings 

Hello ladies and possible gentlemen,

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Sorry, I’ve been missing in action on the blog post. School has been consuming my life and I haven’t had any time to write a post. BUT, I have found some time to write a little blog post for you. Things have been quite interesting these past few weeks and all I can say is OH MY GOD! Further details………………………..in the next post. So this post is actually a different one and as you can see from the title you can see where I’m going with it.

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“Snitches get stitches” has been the term that the hood has used since the beginning of time. (Morgan Freeman voice). Since I was little I have always known that term and have always stuck by it. Recently, the issue has been brought back up into light about snitching. During class I had said that term and my teacher said that she didn’t like that term because sometimes snitching is okay. Now, as much as I disagreed with her I wasn’t going to debate that topic due to the respect that I have for her and her opinion. BUT……………………I DISAGREE. Here is why.

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In order for someone to be considered a snitch they would of had some type of connection to the situation. Nobody who is innocent is snitching on anyone because they would have no reason to. The people who snitch are the ones who are affiliated and have some part in whatever was going on. Now, here is the debate that I have been hearing.

“What if it was your family member?”

I definitely can understand what they are trying to point out. What if it was my family member that needed their life saved or something terrible happened to them, I completely understand their standpoint BUT here is why snitching is considered wrong. When something happens to someone in the family, the entire block will know and they will know who did it and how to handle the situation. Things are handled within. You might ask why? Well, let’s be honest, how many police officers and government officials really care about minorities and what happens to them. It will take them years to finally solve the case because they wouldn’t consider it an important issue even though it is.

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The main reason why people say stop snitching is when it comes to someone who is involved with the crime, so please people when someone says “snitches get stitches” don’t get upset.

Anywho, that is all for this post! I will be updating you very soon with a juicy tea spilling blog.

Bye Darlings❤

 

Living in a different state other than California has definitely been interesting and a whole new universe to me. It has made me extremely grateful that I got to grow up in a state with hardly any small minded people. Not that I am saying all the people in this state are small minded, but they are definitely set in their ways and not open to different experiences that are normal to people other than themselves. For example, the fast city life and the things that come with the city life are extremely normal for me; but that life isn’t normal for people out here. When you tell them your experiences they stare at you crazy and pass judgmental thoughts and the only thing that goes through my mind is W O W!

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Growing up in California I would definitely say I have gone through more life experiences than majority of the female population in this new state. I had my drug induced party phase at a super young age because that was normal. I had my crazy wild rebellion stage around the same time. Things like that are very normal in a city life. Kids are partying like the adults and going through the same hood things. Coming to this state and talking about things that have been normal for me, shocks the individuals that I have talked to and that’s when the comments start to come. One thing I’m not going to do is knock someone because they lived a different life than me, but it seems the people out here do that instead of understanding that people grow up differently. 

When I went to visit home, it felt so good being back in California. The weather was nice, the beach air that you could smell was nostalgic, and just being around everything that was normal for me and not being bored was amazing. Leaving was definitely something I didn’t want to do. The whole entire time I was just thinking about whether or not I want to stay. I have had the time to think about it and I have made my decision on what I am going to do, but as of right now no one knows what my decision is and honestly, I’m not sure if I am going to tell everyone just yet, because frankly who knows what could happen. There are actually two people I have told and those two are people who I’ve confide in and who have proven their loyalty to me.

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Being in this state has definitely made me realize a lot more things about myself that I didn’t even think I knew until now. It has shown me that there is a darker side of people and that not everyone is the person they try to portray. One thing that I can say about myself is that I portray exactly who I am. I don’t try to fake it and be the nice girl or the popular girl because those things aren’t going to matter if that’s not who you really are. Different states have different fakes and if that works for them, then who am I to judge. But one thing that I will always be is…………..

THAT BITCH!

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted anything on my blog and trust me these past few weeks I have been so busy it is mind-blowing. Literally my life Wednesday to Saturday do not exist, and as grateful as I am, I am definitely tired as well. This blog is going to be about being homesick. Living in a new state has definitely made me appreciate where I’m from.

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Being a California native born and raised. I can say I’ve been spoiled. I got to go to the beaches pretty much anytime I wanted. There was always so many events that was going on so I could never really say I was bored. When I was younger I was raised in the Bay Area then when I turned fifteen I moved to Southern California. So you can basically say I was raised in both parts of California. Northern and Southern and honestly I’m really grateful that I was raised like that. Bay to LA I guess you can say. So pretty much, my entire life I have been a California girl until about two months ago. When I moved I thought it was going to be a big change, but a good change. Don’t get me wrong there have been many positive things about me moving, but I’m still extremely homesick.

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I guess it does take some time to get used to but when you’re coming from a state that ALWAYS has something going on to a state where there isn’t much going on, it can be a bit of a culture shock. I’m a city/beach girl as I would like to say all California girls are. We’re raised in the city but we basically live our lives on the beaches. I have so many stories about things that I have done that I could write a novel, but I won’t get into that. The new state I moved to is nice, but it’s more for outdoorsy people. There’s a lot of great hiking spots and a lot of secret places out here for camping, but for me that stuff doesn’t excite me. Like I said I’m a city girl. On top of that, the people here aren’t easy and laid back like the people that I’m used to.

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I’m used to people that smile when you walk past and simply say hello. I’m used to people in customer service actually being happy or fake being happy when they’re not. I’m used to the people just having really good energy and vibes. Here its different, people seem to have an attitude 24/7. People seem to want to act like they’re better, but in reality  they are no better than anyone. I miss the genuine people that I was surrounded around and the genuine friends that I have. I have tried to make friends out here and frankly I quit after the first two didn’t work out. I’m just not like the rest of the females out here and honestly I’m not complaining I rather be different, but sometimes it does suck because I refuse to conform to something I’m not just to make friends.

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I miss authentic Mexican food. I miss concerts on the beach. I miss going to the beach whenever I felt the need. I miss going to events last minute. I miss walking in LA and causing chaos. I miss Hawaiian shaved ice from the trucks. I miss R E A L boba. I miss being able to go to Disneyland whenever. I miss being so close to San Diego and L.A. I miss my friends, and all of our adventures. I miss being able to do stuff. I miss sitting on my surfboard in the ocean just to float and think. I miss the concerts and shows that would go on. I just miss C A L I F O R N I A.

As of right now, I’m still in limbo whether or not I want to stay in this state or not. I have nine months to decide and honestly between the pros and cons. I really don’t know what I’m going to do.

CALIFORNIA GIRL TIL THE DAY I DIE

Until Next Time Darlings<3

At first I was going to write about some pretty dope things that have happened in my life, but then I thought there is still this pain that lingers. I celebrated a new age, but on the same day a person that I looked up to and listened to passed away. Nipsey Hussle passing away was beyond the worst thing I could have heard on my birthday. The minute I found out my heart stopped and tears just started falling. You know that feeling you get when you know everything is crashing and you can’t stop it. Well, that is exactly what I felt like. The first thing I thought about was Lauren, if I could I would have just held her because there is no words that could do anything. This death is a very different celebrity death because Nipsey was more than a celebrity. He was a philanthropist, an artist, and just a genuine man. You could tell he was a real man with the love that he showed to his family, community, and fans. This one really hurts!

Why it hurts? This death hurts because we didn’t just lose an artist with amazing songs. We lost someone that was on the path of changing the world. He started in his own community and was rebuilding it. He spoke with such an articulate manner while always keeping it G. He wasn’t just an ordinary guy from the block, he was on the path of making the world a better place. I have the upmost respect for him, he was taken too soon. His greatness will forever be inspired and so far things have been going in a more positive route. He was one of a kind. There isn’t anyone that could take his legacy.

I know all these people think I’m probably a bandwagoner because god forbid a girl listens to R E A L rap. I have listened to Nipsey since he first came out. I started listening to him before one of my best friends passed away and he put me on. Nipsey had everything in my neighborhood that we all liked. West Coast, Crip, and has a lyrical flow. I followed him ever since. I remember when him and Lauren started dating, I was so E X C I T E D because I love her! They are King & Queen❤ You could tell they are madly in love with each other. The perfect match. My heart breaks for her, but she has everyone radiating love in her direction. We got you girl! We will keep Nipsey’s legacy strong and growing for his family. Being a California girl, this death will forever hurt. Nipsey was our West Coast Prophet. May he forever Rest in Peace<3

 

 

Until Next Time Darlings<3

Being in love with an ex is by the worst thing anyone can do. Especially, when the ex has made it clear with their actions that they could care-less. So I’m here to tell you ladies M O V E O N. If he’s acting like he doesn’t care, majority of the time he doesn’t. I learned that the hard way.  So my previous blog that is now deleted. I talked about how I had hope that me and my ex would get back together.

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Everything seemed like it was going in a positive direction and things were looking good, U N T I L I found something out that shattered everything. I will never understand how a person can continuously hurt someone who’s done nothing but love them and do everything that they could for them. Frankly, a situation like that isn’t meant to be understood, it is something you need to walk away from. You have to walk away from the pain, the hurt, and just everything and move on and focus on the positive things that are happening in life. Stop focusing on a person who doesn’t give a fuck about you. Focus on the new positive moves and changes. Don’t get me wrong. The pain still hurts and I’m still heartbroken but I can’t continue to put myself through this. It’s been six years of the same pattern and I’m done with the pattern and ready to just move on. I’m not letting him destroy the whole year I did of self-reflecting and learning to be okay with my mental illness. I R E F U S E to go back to where I was a year ago.  I admit I cried and I’m still heartbroken, but I’m not putting myself in that place anymore. I have to be strong and remember that it’s his loss and he is going to continue to try and find me in every girl he dates and I know it for a fact.

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This post is for all my lovelies who are dealing with letting go because you still feel like there’s hope. Well from personal experience LET GO! If it was meant to be, it’ll happen! Never let a guy break you, be strong and focus on the positive things that are happening in your life. Me moving to Arizona and starting my new life was the best decision I have ever made. Although the drivers suck out here and there’s no beaches. The energy and vibe of the people here are completely different and having my heartbroken is a set back but I promise you the comeback will be even more amazing.

Until next time darlings ❤

The most shocking “scandal” that has been happening has been the whole Jordyn Woods and Tristan. Long story short. Jordyn got caught with Tristan. Tristan is Khloe Khardashian’s baby daddy. Jordyn Woods is Kylie Jenner’s best friend, as well as a family friend to the entire Khardashian clan. SCANDAL ALERT! I can admit at first when I heard about the whole situation, I was not a fan of Jordyn at all. I just thought about the betrayal and the loyalty that people lack these days. I can admit I said things that were not nice, but then I started noticing some things that made me look into her side.

One thing that I noticed about Jordyn when the whole thing happened was how private she actually was about it. She made a public appearance and did make a statement about it, but she never went into full detail. That was something that I respected, because it showed me that she knew she was wrong and that she was hurt by the situation. The Red Table Talk is what made me Team Jordyn. Whether she told the complete truth about what happened between her and Tristan, it doesn’t matter and here are the reasons why.

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1. Jordyn is 21 and Tristan is 27. Tristan was very well aware of his family with Khloe and what would happen if another scandal broke out. The thing with Tristan, he didn’t care. Everyone on social media could see how he was not into Khloe. As harsh and sad as it is, it is true. It doesn’t excuse Jordyn’s behavior, but she is a young woman and every women has made a mistake like that at that age.
2. Jordyn went silent and quiet on social media after the scandal broke out. The Khardashian family and friends publicly attacked Jordyn on social media and blogs. Here’s my thing. Where was that energy towards Tristan? Jordyn wasn’t the one who cheated on Khloe twice, but then again remember how Khloe started dating him. They didn’t post videos singing along to songs talking about a low-down nigga. They posted videos with songs directed towards Jordyn. That’s when I was done being against Jordyn.
   

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I judge people based on how they react to a situation like this. Especially, when it comes to a cheating scandal. Now, if Jordyn would have posted cryptic messages and stuff like Khloe and the rest of the crew were then I would feel that she had no remorse about the situation. The fact that she stayed silent, didn’t bash anyone, didn’t post cryptic messages throwing shots. I respect that and that shows me who she is as a person.

In conclusion ladies and gentleman. I am officially Team Jordyn and the Khardashian family need a real reality check. They want to be black so bad, and idolize the culture. Well guess what, now you know what having a community dick is like. Just because you have that title doesn’t mean community dick won’t cheat on you.

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Until Next Time my loves.